…to do justice to the conversation spouse and I just had.
While perusing a forum on Ravelry, I ran across a link on making one's own custom dressform. Now, I've wanted a custom dressform forever but the cost is prohibitive. Plus, what happens if my weight changes dramatically? This, I thought, was a grand idea, and economical, too: in case of drastic change in my figure (which, in truth, I'm working on), a new form could be made easily because, seriously, how much does duct tape cost?
So I carried my laptop into the living room. "Honey, I need you to help me do something. Maybe on Sunday."
"What?" says my beloved.
"This!" say I, and plop the laptop in front of his face with the above dressform link displayed onscreen.
The expression on his face was priceless. A combination of amazement, incredulity, puzzlement, and utter bewilderment. "What. Is. That?"
"A dressform. I need you to wrap me up in duct tape to make a custom dressform that I can use to fit my knit and crochet projects."
"Wha…wha…you want me to…what?!"
I explained again. "Oh no," he said. "Hell, no. [Expletive deleted, but it began with F], no. I am not buying a hundred dollars worth of duct tape so you can be wrapped up to make a body double. Why don't I just go buy plaster and cover you in that?"
"Well, the instructions for a plaster dressform are here, too, but I don't want one of those. It would cost more than the duct tape."
Again with the amazed incredulous puzzled bafflement. "You've got to be kidding me. A plaster…You have instructions?" A pause. "You seriously want me to wrap you in duct tape. To make a dressform. For your knitting projects."
"And crocheting. Yes. It'll be fun!"
Again with the "Oh, no. Hell, no," and so forth. And around we went once more. Then somehow he got onto the subject of me becoming my mother (which is true, although my mother has also never had a dressform nor has she ever asked her spouse [my father] to wrap her in duct tape, at least not to my knowledge), and that I should call my mother right now and tell her something, I don't know what, I wasn't really clear on that part, because by this time I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face and my sides ached and I could no longer hear anything he said.
He was just. So. Indignant! And insistent. He absolutely will not wrap me in duct tape. Not no way, not no how.
*sigh* So. No duct-tape dressform for me. But the expression on spouse's face plus the belly-busting side-splitting laughing fit was worth the rejection of that particular idea.
And maybe I can talk one of my girlfriends into a duct-tape party…